I've been struggling with anxiety a lot lately. I've also been praying about it a lot. During the day it strikes, I pray, and then I quickly distract myself with something else so that I don't have to think about it anymore. (Can we say YouTube videos of goats yelling like humans? Perfect distraction.)
That worked for a little while. But then night time would come, and the anxiety would come rushing back in and I would pray again. Because I'm in bed when this happens, there's no way I can distract myself. Everyone else is sleeping peacefully, and here I am stuck dealing with these fears all alone.
This has gone on for two weeks. I'm exhausted and cranky. I'm also frustrated. So tonight, when another wave hit me right before class, I decided to change my prayer. This time, I asked God a question .
"God," I said. "Why can't I trust you?"
An awkward moment of silence passed while I processed what I had just said. Then I thought, ya know, I think I'll just put a pin in this conversation and go to class. Class is a great distraction. That'll work.
Wrong. I couldn't focus in class. So I asked God that same question again. He said, "You can't trust me because you haven't asked me to help you trust me."
*whistles*
"What do you mean I haven't asked you?! I pray all the time!"
"But you haven't asked me to increase your faith."
Whoa. Wait a minute. He's right. I've prayed and asked Him to make this better. I've asked my friends to pray for our faith in this situation. I've even sang songs about trusting in Him. But I had yet to ask God to increase my faith. I had yet to ask Him to help me with my unbelief. How I could forget something so basic?
I can tell you why. Distractions. I sought out ways to keep myself from really having that conversation with God. I also let fear distract me. No more. It's time to recognize where that fear comes from, and not let it take over anymore. 2 Timothy 1:7 says "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." Power, love and a sound mind. That sounds way better than anxiety and fear.
Lord, I need you. I need you to increase my faith just enough so that I can trust in you. Even though I cannot see what you have planned for me, I believe in your Word and your promises. Thank you for bringing me through this. Amen.
Melanie
That worked for a little while. But then night time would come, and the anxiety would come rushing back in and I would pray again. Because I'm in bed when this happens, there's no way I can distract myself. Everyone else is sleeping peacefully, and here I am stuck dealing with these fears all alone.
This has gone on for two weeks. I'm exhausted and cranky. I'm also frustrated. So tonight, when another wave hit me right before class, I decided to change my prayer. This time, I asked God a question .
"God," I said. "Why can't I trust you?"
An awkward moment of silence passed while I processed what I had just said. Then I thought, ya know, I think I'll just put a pin in this conversation and go to class. Class is a great distraction. That'll work.
Wrong. I couldn't focus in class. So I asked God that same question again. He said, "You can't trust me because you haven't asked me to help you trust me."
*whistles*
"What do you mean I haven't asked you?! I pray all the time!"
"But you haven't asked me to increase your faith."
Whoa. Wait a minute. He's right. I've prayed and asked Him to make this better. I've asked my friends to pray for our faith in this situation. I've even sang songs about trusting in Him. But I had yet to ask God to increase my faith. I had yet to ask Him to help me with my unbelief. How I could forget something so basic?
I can tell you why. Distractions. I sought out ways to keep myself from really having that conversation with God. I also let fear distract me. No more. It's time to recognize where that fear comes from, and not let it take over anymore. 2 Timothy 1:7 says "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." Power, love and a sound mind. That sounds way better than anxiety and fear.
Lord, I need you. I need you to increase my faith just enough so that I can trust in you. Even though I cannot see what you have planned for me, I believe in your Word and your promises. Thank you for bringing me through this. Amen.
Melanie
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